SimmeringSelfimposedSilence

Breathe in

I took a turn. It just happened. And I ended up in a space that was familiar, so familiar, but that I had not visited in such a long time. I started thinking. It was easy. It was as if nothing had changed. In the background I made up music, and I closed my eyes because the world is a distraction otherwise. Mostly. Mostly we hide things and paint over words scribbled to make them incomprehensible, on purpose. I know, I love you too. Some things that moved us, still move(d) us. Not all. But some. So, either this is more complicated than what you would be able to imagine, or more simple than you can appreciate. One of the two.

Blind Smile

It is a warm night. Not because of the weather. But, because of you. It is not like yesterday. That was another season. So distinctive. Pictures, are swirling around me, over me. Parts of what we think we are. Of who we think we are. Desires. Fears. Everywhere. The moon fell right behind me. But, the moon is a dream. It is the dreams that fell. I don’t think that I will be short on words, but will I have enough to say?

Good night and good luck

All around me, I am surrounded. I am hugged by thoughts too complicated for others to understand. Too convoluted. So sharp that they cut right through you. This will never be understood. And, it does not matter.

Break

You wait, but there is no line.

Δεν με ξέρεις

Πράξη 1:
Οι λέξεις, οι εικόνες, έρχονται και φεύγουν, χάνονται
Χάνουμε τον ήχο και το φώς
Και μενουμε μόνοι, τυφλωμένοι, πουλημένοι, χωρίς ψυχή
–
Πράξη 2:
Παίξε μου μούσα μες το μυαλό μου κάτι σκοτεινό
Μόνο εσύ έχεις μείνει
Παίξε μου τώρα γιατί φεύγω από αυτόν τον κόσμο και θέλω να λυσμονήσω
Θα σε θυμηθώ όμως, και η μοναξιά μου θα με φέρει πίσω ξανά
Θ’αντέξω ό’τι μου στείλουν
Όση κι αν ειναι η κούραση, η σιωπή, όσο μεγάλη κι αν είναι η άπειρη άβυσσος, και θα έρθω
Για λίγο, για μια στιγμή
Θα έρθω και θα σου φέρω δώρα: νιότη, φιλιά και σιγουριά
Αυτά που μου έχεις πάρει
–
Πράξη 3:
‘Ελα πίσω
Και πλήγωσε με
Ξανά
Δεν πειράζει
Γελάς
Δεν με ξέρεις

Back and Forth

You push me and I defend.
You push me and I recoil.
You push me and I retreat.
—
I try to touch you and you disallow.
I try to touch you and you implode.
I try to touch you and you ignore.

Angel Falling/Demon Rising

I got caught up so deeply in this life that I forgot the time when I still believed I could change things, when I could heal what could not be saved, when I could raise what was so low, when I could cool the raging fires, when I could bring a shining to these dark ages. Yet, the more I gave, the less I became. I got tamed. I forgot the dreams I started out with. Seemingly, without pretence or effort, somewhere I slipped. The fall was so long that I forgot I was falling, and by the end I was numb and tired, unable to sense, and unable to heal. And when glimpses of light made their way though, I pretended not to see. I am sorry, I cannot be saved. It seemed easy.
/
I breath, eat, drink and think of fire. I am fire and I am awesome, and it is my time now. I was warned not to come here, but I will not listen because I know what to do. I feel alive and I hear the calling. The possibilities out there are endless, and the world is there just waiting to be taken by storm, by something. Stay close and I will show you the world. Stay with me and you will never be alone. You were great once… can you not be great again? Does it really require that much of a stretch of the imagination? Do you think that you have the knowledge and the courage to make the right choices? If this were beyond your reach then I would leave you alone. If this were easy then I would leave you alone. But I know you can, and if you do not believe in it, then do it for me. Redeem yourself, now.

Pages

“He would do things differently today – for sure, definitely. When he felt that he was ready, he forced himself. He opened the door and stepped out. The steps unfolded and evolved as he descended. He opened the door and started the engine. Everything was cold and quiet; everything was mechanical – no conscientious processes involved.
…
Sweat ran down. He felt dirty. He walked up the steps and turned on the light. The wind was blowing strong, and the voice he was carrying in his head could not be heard any longer. He walked in, thinking that a shower would fix it all, make everything all right. He had a vague notion that the running water would erase it, wash it all clean. But, it did not. There was always tomorrow. He would do things differently tomorrow – for sure, definitely.”

I heard once that life is a book…
perhaps written, perhaps a work in progress depending on what you believe in.

What interesting parallels may we uncover from this point of view?
What would the equivalent be of opening up a brand new book, the excitement and eagerness?
What would the equivalent be of rushing through the final pages to lay your suspense to rest?

There is the hero and there is the reader…
I decided that life is only like a book, if we are the heroes and someone else is doing the reading, whatever you believe in.

Toying With A Passage Of Way

another day takes a step back in time

all along i have been looking for you, but i only found you in the faces and minds of others

there is no person alive that can take your place
there is no moment in time that can replace your memories
the pain of this loss has not been conceived or invented yet

but it shall be overcome, if need be

another wound would heal and disappear without trace, bringing out the best in me, that which i did not know existed within me

The Last Vodka

[W] Yes…
[M] Yes…

[W] I live by the moment.
[M] Moments are all we are left with when our time has run its course. Can you teach me to dance?
[W] You can dance this to everything.
[M] Mostly I fly.
[W] And if you fall?
[M] I will fall and you will fly over me. This tree will rise from the ashes.
[W] This ghost is still here.
[M] Step a little closer and the doubt will get scared and fly away.
[W] Is this what you need?
[M] There is no more time or space to be anything less than here with you. Is that all right?
[W] You have me, but I don’t know.
[M] There is no need to know. You will find out. And if they steal our light, we can make out in the darkness that comes.

Rock

Tonight, if a magic star brushes by me, I will reach out and touch it, even for a moment, even if it hurts me
Tonight, if a promise goes through me, I will hold onto it, even for a moment, even if I lose it

Go on and lean on me
Do not hold back, do not try to compensate, don’t try to be sensitive and don’t try to understand
Just lean into me and trust me that everything will be all right

And you…
you will keep us awake with your heartbeat…

Brief Pure Morning

“You know where I am at, and I ain’t goin’ nowhere just yet” he said.
“You also know how to get in touch – you know my number and where I live! The invitations stand. If you want to do something with me, I am sure you will find a way. Just let me know. From my side, I just think it would be a shame to go through this life without hanging out with you; so many things simply feel right. This lack of complication and difficulty is almost inspiring and definitely pure, like a Sunday morning. Come back to bed – rest your bones next to mine.”